Article by: Martha Durham
Contributing Writer

Thanksgiving and Christmas are tied to powerful childhood memories. Memories of
being together, giving to others, going to church, cooking with my parents (yes both
parents cooked with us, my father was a rock star dad before it was cool to be) I keep
those memories close to this day and I try to pass them to my children.
So what is so stressful about the Holidays. Why do some people get very depressed,
anxious, or angry during the holidays? If you want your children to have positive
holiday memories that they pass on, the way you handle them is important. There are
many reasons and there are many ways to combat the Holiday blues.
It is often impossible to escape the commercial nature and high pressure of the
holidays. I have the utmost respect for those among us who volunteer, contribute (food
gifts, a shoulder to cry on, etc.). If your life is pretty good, reach out to those whose
lives are tougher than yours. Many organizations, corporations, religious institutions
have the money and desire to help during the holidays. Call umbrella organizations
such as United Ministries, the United Way, Hands on Greenville, etc. to find out how to
sign up for services or to help. If your pride causes you to hesitate, understand that
everyone needs a helping hand from time to time AND in this economy, it may just be
your next door neighbor. Another less obvious tactic for battling painful emotions is to
engage in charitable activates yourself. If it is possible to work at your local food bank
or shelter or staff a crisis hotline, do that. It is often healing to help when you feel down,
it can elevate your mood to know you are contributing to something else.
An excellent tip I took from an experienced Mom was to involve your kids in charity
early. Buy for a needy family together and explain that the holidays are about giving
not receiving. Many children get a more realistic understanding and are less
materialistic when they participate in this way. For those of you with any type of
religious belief, another funny and useful way to discuss Christmas gifts (again from this
wise Mom) is to discuss the true meaning of Christmas. Her explanation to her children
and I quote here “Hey, baby Jesus received 3 gifts (gold, frankincense, and Myrrh) and
there is no way you should expect to get more gifts than him. It made me laugh and IT
WORKS!
I am a big fan of setting your own rules for the holidays wherever you can. If it is very
stressful to visit lots of houses or travel with your kids, gently let your family know that
the holidays will be at home for you and the kids and that you will see them the day
before or after or the weekend before or after. Many folks successfully manage family
dynamics by setting limits and saying no to the things that are just too stressful for your
family. I know families who get the heck out of dodge at the holidays too. They go to
the beach or mountains every year and spend their holiday in a different location where
much of the stress of home is left behind.

Absent or deceased loved ones, family fights, limited financial resources, or the inability
to provide for your family can lead to some very painful feelings. If your feelings are so
intense that you cannot work or engage with your family, reach out for help from
someone like me, or even your local crisis line or community mental health services. If
your feelings are more manageable and you are able to function in your typical way, I
suggest that you find anyone you trust and talk about it. If they are receptive to it, lean
on them emotionally. Pastors/ preachers/priests, best friends, loved ones, community
organizations and sometimes loving, generous strangers are often willing to help.
There is tremendous pressure to have the perfect meals, parties, gifts and family during
the holidays. Let me assure you that “perfection” is understanding that “perfection is
IMPOSSIBLE. “ The truth will set you free here people! Pies will be burned, turkeys will
be undercooked, the wrong sizes will be bought, and fights will happen. Accept it,
embrace it, laugh at it whenever you can and cut yourselves some slack. My wish for
each of you is a loving, happy Holiday season.